It’s supposed to be a major milestone in your friendship but what happens when your ride-or-die goes rogue before you walk up the aisle?
Claire, whose bridesmaid (a friend she’s known since preschool) was only too happy to help with all the usual duties, “I felt she was the only person I could count on, and she was so great at the start” Claire recalls. “Halfway through my three-year engagement, though, she exploded about something on a night out and although we tried to patch things up our friendship was never the same. In the end she stepped down from being a bridesmaid, and didn’t even RSVP to my hen’s. I told her she was still welcome to come to the wedding , but I didn’t know what to expect. I was sick with worry the day of the wedding. During the ceremony we made eye contact and she gave me the nastiest look and turned away. I was so upset, I started to tear up right there and then! She honestly looked like she came to my funeral. She didn’t acknowledge me or my husband and I was later told she cried during dinner and told everyone around her she should have been bridesmaid. When the dancing began, she disappeared… and I haven’t heard from her since!”
With the benefit of hindsight, Claire says she let obligation dictate who she had chose as a bridesmaid, “the best advice I could give a bride is follow your gut. Just because you’ve known someone for most of your life doesn’t mean they’re the right person”.
Bridesmaid Etiquette 101:
How To Pop the Question?
Consider asking the person out to dinner to make it a little more special-asking over the phone is fine too, just don’t ask over text! You can even create a ‘Will You Be My Bridesmaid?’ gift box (including one of our fabulous robes of course!) Once you have told them you’d love to have them in your wedding party, follow with, “before you say yes, there will be costs involved as well time commitments so please consider this”.
When someone’s not asked…
If you have decided on your bridesmaids and you’re concerned about that ‘one’ friend who is feeling offended by not being asked, be up front. Bite the bullet. Meet in person to explain why you could only have the bridesmaid you’ve chosen. Common reasons, which are all totally reasonable include: budget constraints, needing to choose family member, or to keep an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen.
What if they go rogue?
While your first reaction may be anger, it’s important to take a deep breath and put yourself in their shoes. Avoid texting and make the time to meet and ask if they’re ok, and still up for the responsibility.
Handled well, the responsibility of being a bridesmaid can help cement a strong friendship or relationship, and hey – it can also be a while lotta fun!